My New Home.

Posting has been a long time coming. But I had some time on this quiet Sunday morning. Nathan is enjoying his first day of Dayton hunting season. And a wonderful night last evening at our home church has caused me to do some reflecting.

We've been in Dayton now for over a year. And I don't know if its just the milestone we've hit or the Lord bringing conviction in a number of ways (probably both)- but I have been rather convicted lately of my discontentment and unwillingness to settle here. I notice that when I talk to people or customers at the bank, it's always, "I'm from Kentucky. I'm new here." Like this attitude of let me make sure you know where I'm from... it's not here. But I'm not new here anymore!! I miss Louisville terribly. Not just the city itself, but more importantly the relationships and our church and our home and just the comfort of living what felt like a "normal" life. I haven't detached my heart from there in a way that is necessary when you move to a new place. And I think my lack of quickness to do so has probably robbed me of some really great joys and relationships here in this new city where God has us. I've sensed the Lord telling me in a number of ways, "Ash, it's time to move on. Praise me for what you had in Louisville. But open yourself up to the things I have for you here. You're not going back there anytime soon."

A lot of you ask about our plans with the military and honestly, its kind of up in the air. We hope to be in Dayton for at least another 2 or 3 years. But we do have opportunities for Nathan to get an all-expenses-paid masters degree. If we go that route, we're committed for an extra 3 years, making this military thing a total of about 8 years. But the military can move you whenever they want. We are for sure committed to them at least another 4 years. We have talked about moving back to Kentucky whenever our term is over... but the earliest that could be happening is 4 years! That's a long time for me to just be living in this state of "I want to go home" and not really settling anywhere.

This has been one of the hardest seasons in my life, but is no doubt from the Lord's gracious hand. I have been struggling with anxiety attacks for the past 8 months. They seemed to come out of nowhere, but through some wonderful counseling I am getting right now, I am realizing that the Lord allowed them at this specific time in my life to write it firm on my heart that HE is in control, and I am not. HE is my firm foundation when all around me seems to change and give way. Maybe one day in the future I will blog more about this new trial in my life. But I just feel like this whole struggle has caused me to be self-focused and kind of depressed since we've been here.

We've been going to an Acts 29 church called Mercy Hill for a year now, and honestly, for a number of different reasons, I hadn't really committed to being there. We were going to community groups and I really liked a lot of the people we met there, but I wasn't making an active decision to pursue these new friends or to serve them, or to allow my heart to love them fully. Just kinda living in selfishness: "What's best for me at this time in my life? What am I not getting from this church?" And then my counselor a few weeks back told me that as believers in Jesus, we are all given gifts that we are to be using to benefit the body. And that God gives us great joy in doing that. When we're not serving in our giftings, there's a sense that we're missing out on some of that joy in loving others and serving them. I had heard all of this before, but I certainly wasn't living in line with the truth. I started to examine myself: Ash, where are you using your gifts? Who are you seeking to love and pursue? Don't you remember that every church is imperfect and its really not about you and your preferences anyways?

I realized I wasn't really doing that anywhere. And that this wasn't good. For me, for the women in my community group, or for God's overall plan to use His imperfect church to spread the gospel in this world. I live here, in Dayton. Not in Versailles. Not in Louisville. Just here. And there are some really good things and people here. I certainly plan on still keeping up with those I love most dearly in Louisville, women and men whose friendships changed my life and my ideas of community and fellowship. I don't ever think I'll find a better sushi bar than the one we found there. There will always be fond memories of Lovetown and mine and Nathan's first home on 2nd street. We will always want to know how Third Avenue Baptist is doing. But for now, that season in my life is over and God has great things for us here. He really does. But I will be missing out on them if I don't allow my heart to move here.

After a wonderful community group this past Wednesday where I confessed these sins to the women, and a wonderful church service last night where I got to use some of the gifts GOD has given me, and after spending time with some of those awesome brothers and sisters after service last night, I am feeling that joy my counselor was talking about. By His grace alone, I have noticed a difference this week even in my attitude and the ways I have allowed myself to love and to serve. And it's true, I have felt more at home here and more joyful in what God is doing in Dayton than I have since we moved here. I am praying more for a love for this city and the people here. And I know, just as He always does, He will provide...

Nathan's Birthday Cake

Most of you who know my man knows that he LOVES hunting. I had this idea for his birthday last year, but didn't get to it. So I stowed it away in my little book of ideas, and made it happen this year. So check out the cake I made him for his birthday... it was definitely a hit!

I don't know if you can tell from the fuzzy picture above, but I even made an arrow going into the side of this buck. What's a hunting cake without a good kill?

Visits from Friends

I feel like Nate and I have been so blessed with friends who have been faithful to visit. It is always refreshing to be with people who know me so well. I will admit, settling in Dayton has been hard. College was nice because none of us really had any huge responsibilities. We went to class, ate lunch together, lived together, and just spent all kinds of time with each other. Relationships, therefore, happened quickly! Here in Dayton its much slower, and I guess I expected it to some degree. It's been difficult to manage a full-time job, taking care of a home, cooking dinners, and trying to get closer with the people God's placed in our lives here.

It's a good lesson that every season is something new. I can't wait around and expect for Dayton to feel like Louisville. I don't think it will. But it will be a new blessing and a new thing all in itself. I know God didn't send us here to feel alone- and we have met several couples in our new church that we adore. It's just going to to take time to develop those deeper relationships. And that's okay.

In the meantime, God has been so gracious to give us friends who will brave the 2 hour drive to come stay the weekend with us. I love having them in my home!

Gettin' Organized!

As we're finally settling into Dayton and the busyness of full-time work, Nate and I have noticed lately how unorganized and unintentional we have been in a lot of areas of our lives. We've kinda just been surviving- which isn't bad. But what is is that we've watched our hearts for the Lord grow weak through lack of time spent with him, our bank account grow smaller through lavish spending, and endless battles over who's going to cook what on which night. These are new things were struggling through. So last week, we sat down and had what I called a "plan night". For any of you who know me well, this is no surprise. I love organization and method, and will make thousands of lists until I'm blue in the face.

Now, mind you, all these efforts to organize and plan are vain without the Lord's help, and a FULL understanding that we do not gain God's pleasure by having our lives and finances in order. It's easy for someone like me to default to legalism, to follow a plan "to the T" and feel empty doing it. So we're asking God to change our hearts and "fulfill every resolve we have for good work." I don't know if any of you can benefit from what we're doing, but I thought I would share nonetheless:

MEALS- This has been an area of struggle for us, especially as I have gone back to work full time. Neither one of us feels like cooking after a long day at work, but someone has to! Nate would complain that he didn't know what to fix or what we had in the house, so we have resolved to go grocery shopping together. That way, we both know what we're getting- and if Nate ever has to run to the store to pick up that one brand of coffee creamer I always get, he won't come home with something totally wrong! :) Also, I used to make a meal plan for the week- assigning one meal for a particular night. I've realized how unpredictable schedules can be, so now we're trying something new. I made two lists to put on our fridge- one that lists possible meals we can make with ingredients we currently have, and the other that lists possible sides and veggies. I guess its kinda "cafeteria style" planning. I'll let you know how it goes.

FINANCES- We have tried to budget and have done fairly well in the past. But after trying several methods, we have discovered that the cash envelope system works best for us. If I have full access to a debit card, I swipe it and swipe it with little self control. I don't see the money leave my hand, so it doesn't hurt to spend that $3 on junk from McDonalds until I look at my bank statement and see that $3 here and there really adds up! Now that we have two incomes, we want to be smart about saving- for long term things, and for vacations and things like that while we're still childless. We've also signed up to take Dave Ramsey's Financial class. We start that on Monday and I'm really excited.

TIME WITH GOD- As believers in Christ, we must be feasting on God's word and seeking Him in prayer. For His word is living and active and discerns the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts. And how can I expect to be any different at work or in my every day life if I'm not constantly calling on the Holy Spirit to fill me and live through me? We need Him! But this is often the first discipline that gets chucked from my daily routine. Oh no, I'd rather unload our dishwasher and make our kitchen look clean than allow God's word to cleanse my heart. I've known for years that my time with Him is much better and much more consistent if I draw near to Him in the mornings, before all the hussle and bustle of the day distract my heart. This does mean getting up earlier, but its worth it, and I have to remind myself of that often! Nate and I have also realized that we're not praying much together anymore or seeking God as a couple. So now on Wednesday mornings, we've decided to get up together and read something and just go to God in prayer together for different things going on in our lives. Its been good to be with Nathan (and God) in this way again.

That wraps up the biggest things we've discussed and implemented. I'm really excited too because we've signed up to go to a marriage conference put on by Family Life. That happens at the end of April.

Well, I don't know if that was beneficial to anyone else, but it was good to unload. Our jobs are going well. We're praying God would use our life and home and marriage for His glory and see Him doing that in small ways already. Marriage is better than its ever been. I praise God for the trials He's given us- for its made this time on the other side so much sweeter with Nathan. He is such a wonderful man. We miss Louisville and the fellowship we had there, but are trusting God to provide it here. I could go on and on. If there are other things you readers want to know, leave me a comment. Maybe then I'll know what to write about. :)