Waiting.

So sorry its been so long since I've written on this thing. We don't have internet at our house and don't plan on getting it for some time. Which means I am coming to the library regularly and have a short window of time to update myself on cyber-world.

We feel like we're finally settling into Dayton. In terms of the house, we've finished the kitchen, dining room, and living room and are taking a house-hiatus until after the new year. I'm starting to put pictures up on the wall which makes it feel so much more like a home. Not a ton to talk about... I've posted some pictures on Facebook. We've had a few Louisville/Lexington visitors which has been such a blessing to us. It brings a sense of normalcy to our lives, and its just nice to be around people who we really know and share deep fellowship with. We're always open to visitors!

We're enjoying and growing more comfortable in our church. There have been opportunities to have people in our home for dinner and to serve, and I really like that. It keeps me from growing introverted and selfish!

Nathan is still enjoying his job. He even had a conference this week and was making a presentation today. He is working so hard and getting adjusted to the 40-hour work week. I respect him so much for the way he is providing for us. In terms of my job, it has been slow. I've had several interviews which has been such a blessing from God, but nothing has worked out yet. I am waiting on Liberty Savings Bank here in town. I've had two interviews with them to be a teller and am really interested. I feel like they went well, but it just seems like job hunting involves A LOT of waiting! They said I should hear from them by tomorrow. I am running out of things to do in our home and am feeling lazy. Nathan gets up every morning to go to work, and sometimes I sleep in another two hours after he leaves. It doesn't seem fair! He's been great to encourage me and remind me that I can glorify God in any stage of my life (even if I'm staying home and making a Christmas garland so that our home feels more "homey")- but I am just ready to be working. I counted this morning and it's been 6 months since I've had a job! That is unheard-of for me.

It's really challenged me to evaluate where I find my worth. I will admit that, with the combination of being in a new place with no friends, having no job, staying home and doing menial tasks, I have really felt worthless as a person at times. But its really shown some inner-workings of my heart. I feel more valued as a person when I have friends, accomplishments, grand things I'm doing. But that shouldn't be the case. I should feel most valued because the God of the Universe sent His precious, sinless Son to die for my sins. That never changes, even when all my outside circumstances do! I still struggle to remember this daily- as the to-do list grows smaller every day. Just trying to enjoy this time that I have and use it to read more. Because I know a 40-hour work week will present its own challenges too.

Its fun to be in our home for the holidays. We're starting to decorate and plan for Christmas- looks like my family will come to Dayton, so I'm really excited about that! I guess that about does it on our end.

Been a While..

We don't have internet at our new house, so my access to the internet world (and this blog) is short and limited. I am at Panera enjoying the morning and thought I would let you all know whats going on. WARNING: This may be a bit long.

We are deep in projects at our new home, and I am so thankful that I am not working right now. The boredom I was experiencing for the few weeks before we got our house is long gone, and every morning I wake up with plenty to do! We decided to start on revamping the kitchen. And this will be, by far, the longest and most tedious project. It was outdated and covered in wood paneling (see below), so we decided to paint all the cabinets and panelled walls. I am a little nervous our older neighbors will be a little upset with us. They all talk about how skilled a woodsman the builder was.

SIDE NOTE: We found out that the man who built our house actually lived there for 50 years and was a skilled craftsman. That explains a lot of the character and cool spots of our house. We have a ton of storage and beautiful wood floors, and even a dumb waiter! I never knew what it was before we had one, but its just a small elevator that goes from the kitchen to the basement. The builder evidentley threw huge thanksgiving meals and had the basement full of people, so they would just send the food down the elevator!

Thanks to much help from my parents and Andy and Meredith, our kitchen is nearing completion! I have kinda gotten used to the mess our house is in right now. Dishes are scattered abroad and Dixie cups and bowls have become our "china". But its probably a good thing for a person like me to live in chaos for a while. I thrive on order, and can be a bit anal. Maybe this will help me to be a bit more flexible? I will post pictures when it's done and updated! It's so much fun to see how things change with a little bit (or a lot in our case) of paint. It's not a project I would suggest if you want a quick change. We've been in for 2 1/2 weeks and worked pretty faithfully every day on it. Perseverance to the end!!!

Something I feel like the Lord has impressed upon my heart the past few weeks is how important it is to be thankful in all cirumstances. Even as I posted the pictures of our house on Facebook, I found myself writing something negative about every room ("this wallpaper is ugly, we'll change this, the basement is creepy"). And as people in our lives ask how the house is coming and how we are enjoying it, my standard comment is, "well it's coming SLOWLY; i wish it was quicker!" Have I forgotten how I grumbled the previous months that we were living out of boxes and in a billion different places? How I didn't have anything productive to do?

I have been thinking about this verse and the surrounding ones in James 3, speaking of the power and restlessness of our tongues: "Look at the ships also; though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder... so also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things." I am learning that my moods and degrees of thankfulness are STRONGLY guided by the words that I allow to come out of my mouth. Just like the small rudder guides the whole ship, so my words often guide my wellbeing. If I am saying things like, "Oh its coming slowly, blah, blah, blah" I find myself getting discouraged when I come home to the mess that awaits us. I find myself feeling like this will never get done. I find myself complaining and forgetting to be grateful that Christ has richly blessed us with a home to live in! So Nathan and I both are fighting to be more thankful and verbally positive, trusting that that small rudder will guide these great ships into more holy and God-glorifying waters. We have so much to be grateful for- not just a house, but supremely that the God of the Universe has been pleased to bless us by sending His Son to die for the sins that we have committed against Him.

Lord Jesus, may we never reduce your gifts (children, homes, jobs, schedules, marriage, etc.) to mere subjects of complaints or burdens. May we always praise you with thankful hearts for the riches you graciously give to us!!!

Closing!

We close on our house today at 4:30. I am so thankful to the Lord for helping us to endure this season, and thankful to Him for providing us such a wonderful material posession that we don't deserve!

There's No Place like Home

I wish I could just click my heals and be in our new home. As we look at this week for our closing, I am getting more restless with our current living situation (an air mattress and wrinkled clothes stuffed into tupperware tubs) and longing to be in a more permanent, settled home. But then I begin to think, "If I have made it this far (and Andy and Meredith endured this for 9 months), then whats another couple of days?" But then I'm just trying to keep a good perspective, yet failing often. I know this is just a house, just a material thing and that we can truly live on less than what I think. Many people do. I can't permanently settle on this earth, because it's not my ultimate home.

"For here (earth) we have no lasting city, but we seek the city (heaven) that is to come." Hebrews 13:14

But I just want to feel like I actually live in Dayton, and am anxious to find my days to be more productive. This feels like college all over again- moving to a city where you don't know a soul, going home every weekend because you're bored and it's just more comfortable, trying to adjust to a brand new life. But the truth is that the move will come in God's perfect timing. I'm trying not to count on this day or that this week to finally get the keys and an address (anything could go wrong); really I am just trying to distract myself every day and do what needs to be done.

A dear friend asked me what I have learned through this whole process of transition and homelessness. I still don't know, but I pray we are more grateful for this enormous blessing that God has given us, and don't hoard it or take it for granted.

Quickly Humbled

Today was a kind of a grumpy day. I have been a little frustrated today because I have been away from my husband for almost two weeks now, and lengthy conversations have been tough to come by the past few days. He's busy with stuff in Dayton, I am busy here with small children. And instead of being disappointed with the circumstances, I took it out on Nathan and blamed it on him. Yep, that was our conversation on the phone at 1:30 today. Much to my surprise, I received these when I woke up from a nap:


Obviously, I was humbled very quickly, and immediately apologized.

Fresh beginnings.

I hate to leave the depressing post up, and I feel more encouraged today.

Honestly, I have been distant from my Savior for the past few months. I have been rebellious and arrogant and thought I didn't need Him and that He was just too far away. Lately, just through the pain of the transition of moving and just the daily grind of life, I feel Him tenderly calling me back to Him. There is no one I need more than Him- and I pray I am convinced of this more every day. And still the wonderful, humbling thing about God is that He graciously accepts me back into His arms, because Christ has paid for all my rebellion and arrogance on the cross, and because He loves me.

I am beginning to be thankful for the trial, because I see that God has used it to call His daughter back. He'll use whatever it takes. Thank you for your prayers.

Random Rantings.

So, we moved into our friend's house this weekend, and it has been SUCH a blessing. Just to be able to walk into different rooms has made such a difference for Nathan and I. Hopefully, we'll only have to move one more time, and into our house! We're not sure about the exact date yet, but are hoping for the first week in September. I'm trying not to count on it though.

I feel like being real in this post- this season has been tough, especially for me. I'm really tired of just sitting around doing nothing. I have always worked, or had something to do, and watching Nate go to work every day and make money for our family, while I sit at home (our hotel room) and check my email 40 times a day is really no fun. When I have nothing to do, it just breeds this laziness in me. There are plenty of books I can read, plenty of friend's phone calls to return, But I just had no desire to do anything! Through much pride, I would often say, "I never get bored! It takes a lot." Well, I guess this is the "a lot" I needed! :) The other day, I sat in our bed and looked at Bed, Bath, and Beyond's 153 shower curtain choices. Can you tell whats been on my mind? But the Lord is so gracious to me. I am going out of town today until Sunday to spend time with family and friends. And then next week, He has provided two different babysitting jobs for me that will occupy most of next week. It will be so helpful just to have something to do, so I'm not sitting around being irritable at my husband and thinking about the house that I don't have the keys to.

Transition is hard! We had hoped to kind of relax this weekend and spend some time together, but ended up doing a lot of household projects with our new friends who are letting us live with them. They have been so generous to us. What a crazy weekend it was- we tiled a backsplash, took like 40 trips to Home Depot, hung new light fixtures, and assembled a grill. I was in charge of doing all our laundry. Have you ever taken 9 loads of clothes to the laundromat? I felt so bad for the people who walked in behind me. I swear this was the weekend that God said, "That Ashley needs a little humbling." Read on:

At the laundromat, I was pulling my friend's load out of the washer only to discover an ink pen sitting at the top. I thought, oh shoot. But did I check to make sure nothing had been inked? Oh no! I just threw it all in the dryer like a big dumbo. Sure enough, I pulled the same load out of the dryer only to discover I had ruined one of her Air Force uniform coats.

As we were changing the light fixtures, we had to turn off the breakers to that specific area. When we got done, I volunteered to go turn it all back on. Triumphantly, I marched to the basement, turned all the lights back on, and came back upstairs only to hear that I was not successful. So I went back down, checked my work, reset the switches, and to no avail. Nathan offered to come down and help me, but in my pride I insisted that I had done it all correctly and that he could come if he wanted to, but wasn't going to be able to do anything differently. He came down only to discover that I had indeed turned OFF half the switches. I was so mad at myself.

After the backsplash had dried, I tried to help my friend move her oven back in place. I pushed it instead of lifting up on it, and left a huge bubble in their new linoleum floor. (thankfully, it went away after we set some heavy things on it).

We are in the process of trying to find a new church, and I cannot tell you how hard it is to be the new person. Its so awkward to stand around after church kinda waiting for someone to notice that you are new, and then initiate a conversation with you. I just want to jet out the back door as soon as its all over, no matter how much I like the church. I hate feeling like this! So a little challenge to my readers who are a member of a church and love Jesus: TALK TO THE NEW PEOPLE! People would look at us, clearly noticing we're new, and not say a word. I used to do the same thing, so the Lord quickly humbled my anger. But I hope this experience as the new person will help me to strike up a conversation with someone I don't know in the future. It's so hard, and you can't just throw yourself into a group of chatting friends.

So anyways, we went to this church we really like last night. I was talking with these two women during meet and greet time, so happy to finally be in a conversation. I had a cup of lemonade in my hand, and while talking with the other hand, hit the cup and sloshed it all over the seat in front of me (right where one of them intended to sit). One of the ladies was super nice and said, "Oh this happens at my house all the time!" To which I remarked, "Yeah, but I'm sure you have a four-year-old too!" After it was all cleaned up, I'll be honest and say I had to fight back the tears. I couldn't take anymore!

Is this post long enough yet? Last night, Nathan and I decided to go on a date since I am going out of town this week. The movie was at 7:40. So I made us some popcorn and got ready to walk out the door at what I thought was 7:00. Nathan then informed me that it was really 8:00. The clock in the house was wrong! So instead, we went to buy some authentic Mexican food, and planned on going to see a later movie, but just got in a fight instead and went home. When we got home, we discovered our friends sopping up the water that had leaked from their washing machine! So for the next two hours, we took a trip to Walmart to buy more towels, and soaked up water out of the floor.

Can I say this was an exhausting, yet humbling weekend? I don't know what normal life is anymore. I know this will all be funny in about 3 months, but for now, it just wears me out.